Community · ethnography · Language · observations · power · research · social observation · Sociology · trauma

I Don’t See Color

Here’s a phrase that sincerely chaps my ass. What if the police ask you to describe me? Whachugonsay?

Discovered my disgust with this statement after getting into a discussion about who can and can’t say nigger. We concluded with the thought that anyone can say anything (conditional) because this is a country that constitutionally guarantees freedom of speech. I added that saying anything means being ready and able to take the consequences of those utterances.

See, you can’t say nigger to everyone. I don’t care how you spell it, inflect it, think it’s cute or a term of endearment, you can’t say that to everyone. Some folks have a reflexive action to being called nigger. They will bust you in the mouth, with love, ’cause they ain’t having it. I think I am one of those people.

Nigger is a slur, an ethnophaulism. How’d you like it if I walked up to you and called you my Dago, my Wop, my Mick, my Chink, my Gook, my Buddhahead, my Guinea, my Spic, my Kike, (recent) my Beaner? Does it grate a little? If not, do you know someone who might not share your attitude?

It is difficult to find a slur for whites that carries the same punch as nigger. By becoming white, those ethnics who look more like the dominant group eventually became white. Hunky or honky no longer packed a punch. Even Jews thought, and think, they were white. It only takes a second to be disabused of that notion when faced with real crackers who think the kikes are out to replace them.

We are all color struck. We are overly concerned with the color of another’s skin because to be anything other than a variation of pink is to be diminished in the world. We don’t talk about slavery. We don’t talk about Jim Crow. We don’t talk about the Trail of Tears. We don’t talk about segregation, an active factor in our lives today. Why are we all color struck, especially those who come here from other countries where there may or may not be a racial history of torture and abuse? Loss of cultural and historical memory? Loss of self-awareness? Loss of our humanity? For certain, it is because we have been taught to be conscious of color, particularly for purposes of differentiation and separation.

We need to speak to one another in the way we wish to be addressed. Don’t come @ me with your nigger speak. I really will bust you in your mouth, with love, and dare you to call the police. Since you don’t see color, you won’t be able to give a credible description and I will go on my way, hoping I taught you something of value.

AS · Bad Faith · Community · Health and wellness · observations · social observation · trauma

What is Wrong with US?

Are we really all racists? Are we all irresponsible? Are we all trying to die? From opioids to laundry pods, are we really this stupid?

I can’t watch the news unless it comes from someplace outside of America. I am sick of being exposed, on the daily, to the lies, misdirection, and hatred coming from the top. I don’t want to see that ugly man’s face, but it is plastered everywhere. I can’t use social media because he is everywhere there. He gets way too much publicity. Is this all a ratings race? Who is winning because it certainly is not the public, who is exposed to “information” we cannot trust the truth of, nor can we believe.

An orange ass, who has done nothing in his life but lie and cheat, has no right to be in office. He has no right to expose me to his ignorance.

Is money the only thing that matters in this country? Being stupid certainly seems to be the movida of the hour. Eating laundry pods? How are people being raised nowadays? Where is the sense?

My son tells me that people now have pet children. They have a child, children, but fail to parent them. Single mothers look for mates, children in tow, rather than parenting the children presently in the world. Children have smartphones and tablets to babysit them before they can talk. No wonder they are sexting at age 8. What happened to childhood? What happened to responsible parenting?

The airways are full of the lowest of the low in terms of showing us what behavior is extant. Incest, hatred, murder, bigotry, jealousy. Every day we are exposed to the most negative, loathesome, debilitating, demoralizing behavior. Is this what we are expected to become? I have never seen upright behavior spurred by constant exposure to nastiness.

Like the little dog I saw in my twitter feed. He’d been abused all his life and cried when touched gently. It took a handler a while to calm the poor animal, but she broke through by showing patience, gentleness, kindness. Eventually the wee beastie stopped crying, relaxed and was able to begin responding in kind. It didn’t take long, but exposure to something other than the abuse he’d experienced was required for him to make a change.

I suspect our media is attempting to turn us all into mindless drones. Thoughtless, without empathy, stupid. I don’t like thinking this way, but I am continuously shown this behavior, encounter this behavior in the world, where I know I cannot trust anyone’s word, where I expect the worst and always receive it.

I wasn’t always like this. I was once an optimist. My son says I still live in fantasyland because I want to believe in people. It is getting more difficult to stay in fantasyland, though. I have been robbed, cheated, lied to more often in the past two years than at any time in my life. Confronted with the unending hubris of humankind, I am stunned by how far we seem to have fallen in the US.

Completely distressed.

aging · AS · Class · Criminal Organizations · News and politics · observations · power · social observation · trauma

Why I Never Supported HRC

She stood by her man after he disrespected her, their daughter, and the nation. She stayed for the power. That she continues to stand by him in the current climate disturbs me.

She labeled a generation of young people predators, superpredators. Most of those young people were Black and Latinx.

She disrespected her husband’s accusers, did not believe them, implied they lied.

She is a lawyer.

She didn’t fight Obama for the nomination, just handed it over.

She didn’t fight Trump over this rigged election, just closed her mouth, wrote a book, and rakes in the cash.

She is an elite corporatist.

Her DNC is corrupt.

My position is not popular, particularly among this wave of feminists who seem to want to be better men. Nevertheless, for the above reasons, and maybe a few more that I have not let surface, I have never been a supporter of HRC. I wish her well, but I got nothing else for her or her rabid supporters.

 

 

aging · AS · Criminal Organizations · Law · observations · social observation

There Are Not Enough Words

So, let’s get cracking.

I have had a heluva day: computer problems (CRS Admin password hijack), installation of a gas line (gouging), trying to get medical care for my son, renting a car, preparing to move back to my home. Just a lot going on and I am as tired as if I went to a 9-5.

Then, there is all this madness with the government. The treasonous trollops in the White House are driving me mad. That ugly turtle and his thieving wife, stupid Orange Thug and his roguish family, everyone except Barron, for whom I feel very sad. How is it that the entire GOP and DEMs, too, have been allowed to try and burn down our country? I cannot be the only one who knows the country is run by crooks and liars, mostly liars. Sarah Sanders needs boiled.

The chickens coming home to roost for all these groping, raping marauders. I don’t feel sorry for any of them. All these complicit women who said nothing when they knew there was a threat. All the women, and men, who have held memories of sexual abuse for decades; this is a cathartic moment. I really don’t expect to see much come of any of it. Just like all the gun violence. If a school full of dead children doesn’t move people, the complaints of sexual misconduct by a bunch of women will move those in power even less.

And now, I must find another attorney when I have absolutely no faith in them. I have to file a civil suit against my attorney to try and get back the money he stole from me. No trust, no money. Guess I will do it myself. I successfully brought my probate to a close. Time to learn a new legal skill.

Certainly, I must be grateful for what the ancestors place in front of me to learn and do. There must be a reason I am having all of this experience with the law. Would really rather not, but I seem to have no choice. The requirement to defend what is mine is paramount.

The country has gone crazy, right along with orangina. No ethics. No morality. Racism. Classism. Christianist terrorists emboldened and supported by the current administration. The atmosphere in American culture is toxic as hell. I don’t want to live here any more, but where can I go?

Homelessness has plagued me. All around me, even here at the beach, are the homeless. People live in their RVs, cars, vans. Tents appear in the oddest places. People have become very creative with tarps, cinder blocks, and odd wood. They can wrangle this stuff into fairly sturdy habitations. But they are still outside, without facilities, without running water, without refrigeration, without a roof or floor other than the earth. I like sleeping rough when on a camping trip, or just hanging in my back yard. But it is my back yard and I can get up and go in the house whenever I want. Alhamdulillah!

You know, I think of myself as a Jewish Methodist Muslim. Imagine that! Even though I look like your run of the mill Black woman, I actually have Japanese, Chinese, and European running around in my genome. Funny how blood will out. I have always been fascinated with Japan, to the point that I learned to read, write, and speak Nihongo. I feel like I belong there, am connected there. Mayhap I will find my roots there. I want to go and study textile techniques. Sashiko, amigurumi, that lovely delicate knitting. Yes, that is where I could go. Amongst the Euro part of me, I’ve always felt like an Irish woman. Redheaded, flawless porcelain complexion, lilting voice. Yes, I’ve imagined myself in this ancestor from ’round the world.

Now, I’m Jewish because my mother was. Methodist because I chose to study that religion that  Xtian religion that encourages study, and a Muslim because I reverted to Islam in 1997 after surviving a trip to India. I take what I need from all these perspectives and don’t sweat the small stuff. It helps that I don’t participate  in organized religion, but there is nothing like praying with my sisters, lined up together, hearing the prayer in Arabic, the khutba, the conviviality after. Islam is good for those willing to seek knowledge, even to the ends of the earth.

So much swirling. Too much to do. Too much to think about. Didja know I served in the Army? Yeah, I’m a veteran. So many of us are on the streets. So many Americans on the street. This is a worldwide problem. Refugees, migrants, climate-displaced folks. There is too much going on and there are not enough words to tell you of the turmoil that churns within me, especially when I see our so-called president’s face. Him and his whole administration need removed.

Peace, peeps.

 

aging · AS · friendship · observations · social observation

When Friendship Turns to Henshit

I was raised to believe in making family, in treating those without family or social support to whatever comfort and accomodation that can be mustered.

I tried to be a friend to an old beau and it backfired. Turns out he was a useless narcissist, concerned most about himself, but in particularly self-destructive ways.

I treated this friend to a room at the beach for over a year, rent-free. He reaped many benefits from having no rent to pay, because rent in this complex is $2370 for a 1 cama, 1 baño, >600 sq feet. He reaped auto insurance discounts. He spent money bingeing on gentrified coffees, avocado toast-type crap, smoked fields of weed, ate tons of processed foods, drank Monsters and off-gassed that funky taurine every night. He spent money like water, ran up credit card debt, lost something every day, and generally created tension and confusion in my home.

He saved no money and burned his bridges here, so now he is outty.

Human beings can oftentimes be most disappointing.

 

 

 

AS · Community · Craft · observations · social observation

Casting Back

No, this isn’t about knitting, though that is my world nowadays. No, this is about remembering, triggered memory. Read the name Owen and cast back to my neighbors, the Owens. Large family, all varying shades of mocha with the exception of the only son, Anthony. I secretly adored his handsome chocolate brown frame. It was never curious to me that he was the only brown child; it was marvelous. I wonder if he ever experienced discrimination because of the lovely color of his dark brown skin.

In southern India, I saw the most beautiful dark brown people with glistening black hair. Gorgeous! Then, I learned they were as colour-struck as American Blacks and used terms like “wheatish” to describe the most desirable skin colour. Dalits I met were universally brown-skinned. The women and men who tended my household, bathroom, and garden were universally brown. The owner of the flat was that wheatish color I first encountered reading Indian newspaper personal ads. Wonder what causes wheatishness? Black people have white folks in slavery to thank for some of our wheatishness, as well as for the concept of colour-struck in American culture.

Considering such castings cause me to take refuge in my knitting. I’m not a writer, Yann! I’m a maker, an artisan, a handcrafter, a sample maker. Mom was a sample maker. There are entire businesses devoted to the making of samples. I saw one recently featured on NHK. Sample makers typically make the first draught of a pattern, testing theory as it happens. If everything is good, only one sample is needed. If more work is needed, revisions, and additional samples will be made. I like making one or two of a thing, then off to a new project. I have a research scientist’s ability to focus intently on a topic for a long while, but I have a child’s curiousity and want to explore many things, hence the making of one or two gloves, or pattern tests, or blog posts, then it is off to a new project.

Anthony. One of his sisters was a doctor. Another worked in the university system. They were a good family. I hope all is well with them.

AS · observations · Religion · social observation · Therapeutics · time · trauma

Yom Tov

What does it mean that we are here, now, seeing what we see?

What does it mean that I am aware of the Rohingya, fleeing their lands, en masse; to know, and care, that one-third of Bangladesh is submerged; that 91 people a day die of opiate abuse?

What does it mean that corporations have gutted Puerto Rico’s finances and the island looks like NOLA during Katrina, only more widely spread, people, American citizens, again struggling against unbelievably horrible odds?

What does it mean that I made the-one-who-should-not-be-named my nigger? I did. I tweeted him, told him about the klan military man who would salute a uniform all day, but not a nigger, and I told him he was mine. Sure did and sent it to the POTUS address. I don’t bother with that real thang cuz he can block you. Did me. I have called him a nigger for a couple of days, and you know what? It does a body better than chicken soup and sitting fuming helplessly while my country is made to look an ass because of who sits at the helm.

It is a good time to sit and reflect. I need to sit and figure out why I would do such a thing. True, I was theory-testing. I do love to test a theory, almost as much as I love to knit. A Twitter friend said he reported being called a nigger by some “alt-right” types, and Twitter said none of its standards were violated. So, I said let us see if I can do what I did and suffer no repercussions as I would not be violating any standards. So far, I’m in the pipe, 5 X 5.

I have never written the WH. I have a few favorite presidents, but I don’t like playing favorites. This one, however, requires some face time with me. And I want it recorded.

Good fast to you.

 

AS · Criminal Organizations · Economic Anger · Homeownership · Insurance · Law · Paralegal Studies · Probate · Probate Housing Creditors Mortgages Mortgage Fraud · social observation · trauma

The Last Word

Brad Weil had me bring the check in to copy it as I told him when I received the check that it was made out to me and MGC Mortgage. I told him they were likely to take all of the money when they were supposed to put it into a draw account. I also told him at that meeting that another check was coming, all of this prior to the confirmation hearing. I told him that I had to sign the check and send it to Beal Bank. He provided the address that I used to send the funds. He did not tell me that he was going to allow them to take the funds to pay off the Trust Deed they claimed to possess. I did not choose to use the proceeds to pay off the mortgage. I could not do that. That is illegal. Insurance funds must be used for repairs.

Shortly after meeting with Brad Weil in his office, after the funds had been taken, I received a remainder check from MGC Mortgage addressed to the Estate of Bessie Turner. Brad Weil told me to sign the check as the executor of my mother’s estate and cash it. I refused to do so because the Estate had been closed for over a year as I informed Brad Weil. The property was awarded to me in Probate. MGC Mortgage/Beal Bank was the only creditor involved in the Probate, and they made no claim against the Estate, but submitted documents to Bankruptcy Court made to look as if they were filed against the Estate. I called Beal Bank, told them Brad Weil did not represent me, and could I be sent a check for the remainder in my name as I am the owner of the property. A check was then sent to me in my name.

Brad Weil was most perturbed that I wrote a letter to the Bankruptcy Court stating that he did not represent me and that if my case was to be dismissed, it should be dismissed because the Bank had been paid off before the confirmation hearing and not because of missed payments. If I had remained silent, none of this would have come to light and Brad Weil would be satisfied with the payment he received and the case dismissed. Brad Weil told me I didn’t have to write to the court because they were going to dismiss my case anyway.

So, I will follow up with the Bar. When I came to Brad Weil the secon time it was because I was duped by Westfield Law Group, scam artists. He promptly gave me a complaint form to the Bar. I wonder why he would want to do less in this case. Brad Weil and the Law Offices of Les Zieve, counsel for Beal Bank seem to have been working together. I certainly see no evidence that I was his priority as a client. And I will again write the Bankruptcy Court to provide more detail about Brad Weil’s failed representation of my interests and to pray for dismissal on the grounds of possible malfeasance.

I do not have an answer for why I received no itemized statement of how the funds were used, likely because explanation of the use of insurance funds to pay a mortgage would be difficult.

I do not have an answer for the change of reason for foreclosure from Trust Deed to Mortgage after the funds were misappropriated.

I do now understand why Ms Aceves seemed genuinely confused about a payment I made. She repeatedly asked me what the payment was for. I told her Brad Weil told me to pay him the amount. For what? I don’t know. Fees?

One last thing. About a month after the tree fell on my home, I received notification from my insurance company that my policy was in danger of being cancelled because of nonpayment of premium. This was peculiar as I had my payments automatically deducted directly from my bank account. Beal Bank through MGC Mortgage changed my insurance, stating they had an escrow account and would be responsible for the bill. Then, they failed to pay the bill. I was displaced from my home, unable to live in it as it was red-tagged. Had I picked up my mail any later, I would have been without any insurance coverage and would have lost my home to scheming tricks. I told Brad Weil of this incident. He did nothing. I have to know that his inaction, failure to do due diligence, was correct.

I was guilty of providing Brad Weil with information of which he seemed unaware. I told him I could not get a HELOC as long as I was in bankruptcy, that if Beal Bank was going to take all of my funds, they would be paid off before the confirmation and then I would have to wait 30 days for the dismissal to show on my credit report. Then, I could reapply for the HELOC. When I left his office that day, I thought he was going to apply for dismissal, but he confirmed the bankruptcy after the sole reason for me being in bankruptcy was removed, then waited six months for the soft dismissal for missed payments to come about. For the record, I have not returned to my bank to request a HELOC as Brad Weil suggested in his first response. That would make no sense as I was still in bankruptcy. Brad Weil never mentioned having the Court help me get a HELOC, no mention of all this refinancing. Brad Weil, at that point, had no idea what I was going to do to get my home repaired, but I should continue making plan payments.

I provided him with an article about Beal Bank’s predatory ways regarding 15 people who also suffered wrongful foreclosures. Beal Bank preys on particular demographics: single women, elderly, disabled, low-income, in particular zip codes. He would not read it. I showed him Probate documents that stated no claims were filed against the Estate. He disregarded them. No matter how many times I told him of my abuse at the hands of Beal Bank, he did nothing, except tell me to continue making plan payments until he told me I could stop paying anytime once Beal Bank took my insurance funds.

 

Sincerely,

Subject: FINAL RESPONSE from Law Offices of Brad Weil- BCA Complaint 98810870

“The company states they never saw the money and advised her to sign the insurance check as the executor of her mother’s estate to Beal Bank as payment to apply towards the mortgage loan. She used the proceeds to pay off her home due to the foreclosure. All the company did was advise her with what to do. She can refinance the property while in bankruptcy if she would talk to the company and let them help her, but she will not talk to them. Brad Weil is trying to do everything he can to assist her. He would prefer that the customer contact him and not file a claim with BAR.  The BAR will dismiss the case if the customer does not make the payments. If the customer would like to obtain refinancing, the company can file a motion to approve the refinancing by the Bankruptcy Court. The company is unsure if the customer wants the bankruptcy dismissed  altogether. If she dismisses it, she will owe the fees in a lump sum instead of paying for it monthly. She is scheduled to be in the bankruptcy until December 2018.  If the customer would like assistance with the refinancing please contact the company for a referral and other assistance.”

Cordially,


Subject: Re: Response from Law Offices of Brad Weil- BCA Complaint 98810870

The longer I think about this matter, the more I think it should be reported to the California Bar Association. I should not have to seek outside financing of the repairs to my home. The insurance proceeds were wrongfully appropriated, just as my property was subject to wrongful foreclosure and Brad Weil aided and abetted counsel for Beal Bank in that endeavor.

Sincere regardss,

24 February 2017

 

Our office received the following response from the Law Offices of Brad Weil. Please let us know if you would like to provide a rebuttal.

RESPONSE:

“Vanesa Hamilton hired my office to represent her in a Chapter 13 bankruptcy to stop a foreclosure sale of her home.  That case had bankruptcy case number 2:15-bk-25997-NB and was filed the day before the foreclosure sale of her home located at 2057 E. Lucien St., Compton CA 90222.  Ms. Hamilton did not appear at her required 341 meeting of creditors and that case was dismissed.  At that point she was not longer a client.  She contacted our office again (due to the pending foreclosure) and complained that the plan payment we put her in was too high and that is why she did not show up at the hearing because she could not make the payment required of her.  I informed her that if she had contacted us sooner we could have worked something our and amended her plan to lower the payment.  My paralegal (Vanessa Aceves) did not want to take her back as a client because we had not been paid on her previous case.  Ms. Hamilton and I came to an agreement that she would make payments on the first case (some of which she did but not all) and I would file a second case. 

 

The Second case was assigned case number 2:15-bk-29035-SK.  This case Ms Hamilton wanted us to file an objection to the mortgage company’s proof of claim and oppose the mortgage company’s Motion for relief from the automatic stay (which require extra fees to be charged to her plan).  We did that work and filed a fee application which was approved.  The plan was confirmed.  During that process Ms. Hamilton suffered a tree falling on her house during a wind storm.  The insurance company paid the mortgage in full then issued a refund check to Ms. Hamilton, however due to the fact that she inherited the home they issued it to the executor of her mother’s estate (which she had a problem with).  At some point shortly after the confirmation Ms. Hamilton stopped making her plan payments.  My office filed a motion to modify her plan which was granted.  Ms. Hamilton is supposed to resume her bankruptcy plan payments in March.  It seems she has stopped  communicating with my office and has chosen instead to file a complaint with your organization.  From what I gather she wants to refinance but is having a hard time doing that while in bankruptcy.  There is a way to refinance while in bankruptcy and if she would communicate her wishes to my office I could help her accomplish that.  At this point I have no communication from Ms. Hamilton except the complaint she submitted to your organization.”

AS · Criminal Organizations · Law · News and politics · observations · power · social observation · Sociology · trauma

Simmering

Put my anger in a pot on the back burner, letting it simmer while trying to understand how my elected officials are planning to let an old-ass, unfit, lying buffoon take over leadership of my country.

All those lawyers, and they are going to allow an idiot blowhard bastard (did he even have a mama?) to be in violation of the Constitution from day 1? Every senator who attends the inaugural should be voted out ASAP and then choked with their law degrees. Every legal and political scholar who supports this travesty should lose her or his citizenship ASAP.

PEEOTUS may be depraved. He is definitely dishonest. He is absolutely despicable, likely seditious, making of my country a laughingstock. Authoritarianism and perversion go together. Think Caligula, Tiberius Ceaser, the Catholic Church, Christianity. My people who voted for this ass should be feeling robbed and raped about now because they have been by an infantile cunt. How can this be happening?

I tweet rude, insulting, nasty things to PEEOTUS the schmuck. He reveres the poisoner-in-chief. I hope he gets some tea.

Excuse me while I add some pepper to the pot.